insanity laughs under pressure
I have recently made a difficult decision to defer my final semester in post-graduate school. I’m in my 3rd year and only need a capstone project to complete. The past few years had been intense balancing work and the master’s program, while finding a way to breathe and enjoy life somehow without having to deal with the anxiety. It had been a struggle so to speak, because I am who I am, someone playing the part of a person who needs to “do well”. One day, nearing a draft due date, I opened my laptop and found myself having a panic attack, because my submission is nowhere near how I’d like it to be. I still carry a lot of guilt about my decision, but today, since I don’t have a paper to write — I found the time to reconnect to a friend and lie down on the grass, with the soft white cloths flying above me, feeling the wind on my face and finding a way to breathe a little bit more deeply.